Thoughts of Despondency
Q: Every day when I wake up, I think of my sins and it grieves me. If suicide was allowed, I would have opted for this and freed myself from sin. I sometimes become very despondent. Please advise.
A: Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. The mercy of Allah Ta’aala is much, much greater than ALL our sins put together.
Allah says in the Qur’aan:
ﻗُﻞْ ﻳَﺎ ﻋِﺒَﺎﺩِﻱَ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﺃَﺳْﺮَﻓُﻮﺍ ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﺃَﻧْﻔُﺴِﻬِﻢْ ﻟَﺎ ﺗَﻘْﻨَﻄُﻮﺍ ﻣِﻦْ ﺭَﺣْﻤَﺔِ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺇِﻥَّ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻳَﻐْﻔِﺮُ ﺍﻟﺬُّﻧُﻮﺏَ ﺟَﻤِﻴﻌًﺎ ﺇِﻧَّﻪُ ﻫُﻮَ ﺍﻟْﻐَﻔُﻮﺭُ ﺍﻟﺮَّﺣِﻴﻢُ
Say (O Nabi, on My behalf) O servants of Mine who have acted recklessly against their own selves, do not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Surely, Allah will forgive all sins. Surely, He is the One who is Most-Forgiving, the Very Merciful. (Surah Zumar verse 53).
Just look at this verse for a moment. Although the person is a sinner, Allah is still referring to him as ‘MY SERVANTS’. Isn’t this a great favour from Allah, that although you have sinned against Me, I still call you MY servant! This itself is a great mercy.
By virtue of Taubah, everything gets forgiven. Therefore Rasulullah Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam said that when a person seeks forgiveness from a sin, it is as if he did not commit that sin at all. (Ibni Maajah V2 P1419).
A beautiful Hadeeth is mentioned in the books of Tafseer. The Hadeeth says that Allah says: The crying (lamenting, pangs of grief, sounds of regret and repentance) of the sinner is more beloved unto Me (Allah) than the humming sounds of those reciting Tasbeeh.
Ponder over this Hadeeth. This is an invitation from Allah to sinners like us. Allah is saying that cry and repent unto Me, because I love those moments. Thus, this means that the person who repents becomes the beloved of Allah! What more can we ask for?
We do not have the right to lose hope in the Mercy of Allah. Therefore Allah says:
ﻭَﻟَﺎ ﺗَﻴْﺄَﺳُﻮﺍ ﻣِﻦْ ﺭَﻭْﺡِ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺇِﻧَّﻪُ ﻟَﺎ ﻳَﻴْﺄَﺱُ ﻣِﻦْ ﺭَﻭْﺡِ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺇِﻟَّﺎ ﺍﻟْﻘَﻮْﻡُ ﺍﻟْﻜَﺎﻓِﺮُﻭﻥَ
And do not lose hope in the Mercy of Allah. In fact, only the infidels (disbelievers) lose hope in the Mercy of Allah. (Surah Yusuf Verse 87).
Thus despondency, losing hope, giving up good actions, thoughts of suicide, etc. is NOT the makeup and traits of a Muslim. Understand that we deal with a Compassionate. Merciful, Loving, Kind, Benevolent, Oft- forgiving, Generous Allah!!
Irrespective of the amount of sins we commit:
1. We will not lose hope in the Mercy of Allah.
2. We will keep on repenting. A person who has not given up sin cannot afford to give up repenting. It is a deception of Shaytaan that we think that I keep on sinning, so how can I keep on repenting, I am making a mockery. This is pure deception. If you keep on sinning then you will keep on repenting.
Never lose hope, keep repenting, keep up good actions whatever you can, avoid sin as much as possible, constantly make Du’aa, keep on striving to fulfil your duties towards Allah and Inshaa Allah you will be engulfed in the mercy of Allah.
Moulana Yusuf Laher