Bismillahir Rahminir Raheem..
It gets to me how someone has just left this world. How someone has left this temporary abode to the Hereafter. As the saying goes ‘the most certain thing in life is death and the most uncertain thing in life is the time of death’. This is so true..
And yet there is a deceased person in that very house but the actions of the people at that house is something that is despicable!
Death is a reality that many are blind to.
Today I would like to address a few issues with the hope that my words may reach people and they may reform.
Sad to say in the Indian Muslim community of South Africa, this is nothing out of the ordinary. It is actually a norm for us.
1. TA’ZIYAH? WHAT ARE THE ETIQUTTES OF TA’ZIYAH?
This means to sympathise with the bereaved.
It is from the teachings of Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم that one should console and comfort a Muslim who is in distress. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم has said: “He who consoles the one in distress shall be rewarded as much as the bereaved.”
Whoever consoles a bereaved mother will be dressed with a (special) garment in Paradise. (At-Tirmidhī)
Etiquette of making Ta’ziyah
1. One should be most humble
2. Express his grief
3. Speak less about worldy affairs
4. One should not joke or laugh
5. To mention the good acts and deeds of the deceased and abstain from the evil ones.
6. To offer assistance and guidance
7. Not enquire too extensively regarding the deceased.
8. Inform the bereaved that you intend to do some optional good deeds and send the reward to the deceased. This will please and comfort the bereaved.
Period of Ta’ziyah
1. This period extends for 3 days after the time of death. Mourning is also for this period for one who isn’t a wife. A wife’s mourning is 4 months and 10 days.
2. It is Makrooh to make Ta’ziyah after this period, except in cases where one is not present at the janazah or those coming for other far-off areas.
3. Ta’ziyah before burial is permissible.
At the demise of his grandson, Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam consoled his daughter with the words:
... إَﻥَّ ﻟِﻠَّﻪِ ﻣَﺎ ﺃَﺧَﺬَ ﻭَﻟَﻪُ ﻣَﺎ ﺃَﻋْﻄَﻰ، ﻭَﻛُﻞُّ ﺷَﻲْﺀٍ ﻋِﻨْﺪَﻩُ ﺇِﻟَﻰ ﺃَﺟَﻞٍ ﻣُﺴَﻤًّﻰ، ﻓَﻠْﺘَﺼْﺒِﺮْ ﻭَﻟْﺘَﺤْﺘَﺴِﺐْ (( ..
Inna lillāhi mā akhadha wa lahū mā a’tā, wa kullun ‘indahū bi ‘ajalim-musammā, faltasbir waltahtasib.
Translation: Whatever Allāh takes is His, and whatever He gives is His, and everything has an appointed time. So be patient and hope for reward.
So be sincere and console the bereaved person.
After the death of the son of Nabi صلي الله عليه و سلم, Ibrahim رضي الله عنه, Nabi صلي الله عليه و سلم was seen tearing.
Abdur Rahman bin Auf رضي الله عنه remarked: Is it you, the Messenger of Allah weeping?
He replied: Ibn Auf! It is mercy, then he shed more tears and said: Verily the eyes weep and the heart grieves but we say nothing but that our Allah is pleased with. Ibrahim, we are grieved over your seperation.
So we see how tears is a mercy which Allah has placed in the hearts of His slaves.
2. MAHRAM MALES AND FEMALES
This is something which I feel the urge and need to mention at this juncture.
If the mayyit is a female, only her male mahrams can be in the room. Her nephews which are her mahrams shouldn’t be in the same room as her daughter is in. Because he is not a mahram to her.
Example, Fatima is the mayyit. Her daughter is Zainab. Zainab’s cousin Muhammed is in the room, so it isn’t okay for Zainab to be in the room unless Muhammed is Zainab’s son in law or husband.
Yusuf is married to Aaishah. Aaishah’s sisters cannot be in the room where Yusuf’s body is.
So below is the table of Mahrams. Do share it.
Also, I think the best option is to allow all the female mahrams to be with the mayyit for a certain amount of time and the males another time after that so there isn’t unnecessary intermingling.
I do not want to discriminate amongst genders or anything of that sort.
It is quite a sad reality to see all the Paras/Juz by the females side, Yaaseens, Tasbeehs, as well as the beads which La ilaha ilAllah is read are mostly by the females side. But if you think of it logically, there are more men Huffadh than female. If each man takes one para, a Qur’aan Khatam can be completed quickly as they are familiar with the Qur’aan. It is very sad to see that only about 5 to 10 men read Qur’aan while the rest of the men crowd the front door of the mayyit house. This causes a lot of inconvienience to women who have to walk through all of that!
Men should be given Qur’aans to read as well not only women.
1. Esaale Thawaab
Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم has said that the returns for a person’s own virtues come to an end when he dies, but there are three such things, the returns for which keep accuring even after death:
1) A sadaqah with recurring benefits (Saqadah-e-Jaariya)
2) Knowledge from which people continue to benefit
3) Virtuous children who offer du’aa for their deceased parents.
2. Method of Esaale Thawab
1. Qur’an Tilawat
2. Nafl Ibaadah e.g Salaah, Dhikr, Durood etc
3. Giving charity
a) to the poor
b) building Masajid
c) donating Qur’aans to students
4. Making du’aa for his/her forgiveness.
All this could be done and the reward transferred to the deceased person. (Also, try to give fidya for the salaah and the saum that he/she has missed.)
Another thing I have noticed that happens at almost every mayyit. After the mayyit is taken for the janazah, and there are no men at the house as they are all gone for the janazah, the woman began talking. The janazah just leaves the house yet people are talking about matters of this temporary world..
Oh you heard she got a baby.
Yes she’s getting married..
And the dunya talks continue.
The deceased person needs the du’aas the most because they are about to be questioned in the grave.
So take heed o my Muslim brothers and sisters!
Remember that every act of yours is recorded and Allah will reward you for even giving half a date in charity.
If you have lost someone close to you, send the Isaal- e – Thawab of even giving your friend a glass of water to them, it will be presented to them as a gift.
Recite Surah Ikhlaas for all the Marhumeen.
May Allah forgive all the Marhumeen, grant them the highest stages in Jannatul Firdose, may Allah illuminate their graves with noor, may Allah widen their graves, may Allah grant their complete maghfirah, may Allah have mercy on their souls… Aameen.
May Allah have mercy on us when we go to where they are gone to..
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﻏﻔﺮ ﻟﻬﻢ ﻭﺍﺭﺣﻤﻬﻢ ﻭﻋﺎﻓﻬﻢ ﻭﻋﻒ ﻋﻨﻬﻢ
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﻛﺮﻡ ﻧﺰﻟﻬﻢ ﻭﻭﺳﻊ ﻣﺪﺧﻠﻬﻢ ﻭاﻏﺴﻠﻬﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﻤﺎﺀ ﻭﺍﻟﺜﻠﺞ ﻭﺍﻟﺒﺮﺩ ﻭﻧﻘﻬﻢ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﺬﻧﻮﺏ ﻭﺍﻟﺨﻄﺎﻳﺎ ﻛﻤﺎ ﻳﻨﻘﻰ ﺍﻟﺜﻮﺏ ﺍﻻﺑﻴﺾ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﺪﻧﺲ
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺟﺎﺯﻫﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﺤﺴﻨﺎﺕ ﺍﺣﺴﺎﻧﺎ ﻭﺑﺎﻟﺴﻴﺌﺎﺕ ﻋﻔﻮﺍ ﻭﻏﻔﺮﺍﻧﺎ
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﺑﺪّﻟﻬﻢ ﺩﺍﺭﺍً ﺧﻴﺮﺍً ﻣﻦ ﺩﺍﺭﻫﻢ ﻭﺃﻫﻼً ﺧﻴﺮﺍً ﻣﻦ ﺍﻫﻠﻬﻢ
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﺟﻌﻞ ﻗﺒﺮﻫﻢ ﺭﻭﺿﺔ ﻣﻦ ﺭﻳﺎﺽ ﺍﻟﺠﻨﺔ ﻭﻻﺗﺠﻌﻠﻬﺎ ﺣﻔﺮﺓ ﻣﻦ ﺣﻔﺮ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺭ
O Allah, forgive them and have mercy on them and overlook from them.
O Allah honour their abode and make wide their graves and wash them with ice cold water (from sins) and purify them from sins like how a white cloth is purified from dirt.
O Allah reward them (for their good) with goodness and with their sins forgiveness.
O Allah give them a house better than their house in this world and a family better than his family of this world.
O Allah make their graves a garden from the gardens of Jannah and do not make it a pit from the pits of hell.
Do share the above post to create awareness regarding this topic.