The Silent Negativity Series – Part Six

The cravings increased .

Zayn and Mike were prohibited from giving me any .

Mike felt sorry for me but he couldn’t give me .

Zayn was really happy that I was actually getting somewhere with the ‘sessions’ .

Deep down , I was starting to feel better …

But I just had to end up having bad days .

And bad moments .

After about 3 sessions with Dr. Muhammed , I was sent to rehab .

Now rehab isn’t something I adore . Everything is nice . I mean the activities they organise for us , the gyming , soccer , cricket and the Islamic awareness – everything is nice … but I feel like a mess …

I was stuck up .

I didn’t talk to anyone , only if the need arose .

There was one particular person who reminded me of ‘him’ .

And the memories flooded the sanctuary of my mind .

I wished I could push ’em away .. but I actually felt like I wanted to think about ‘the incident’ .

It made me feel somewhat better … Although I felt deppressed after that .

Yeah , understand the struggle?

I learnt a new thing .

Talking to my Lord .

Although that sounds like I’m getting all ‘moulana-ish’ , holy or pious and stuff …

But I swear it is beyond amazing .

Awesome . Wonderful .

I spoke to Him .

Speaking to him via my heart .

I cried inwardly ..

And it was just …

Something unexplainable .

I loved it .

One of the Moulana’s who spoke to us said that we will feel lonely , we will have our bad days – its part of life … but we must communicate with our Lord coz that’s the best communication you can ever get . His door never closes . He is there to listen to us at any time …

And it felt like I was getting emotionally better ,  daily .

After about a month , I came out of rehab . I needed more treatment but I was on a break for a few days .

My siblings were warming up to me .

Aarifah was slightly distant but that was her nature and personality .

Imraan was his usual self .

Nabeela warmed up a bit . She was more puerile like every other 16 year old her age .

Sahal was frightening me . He was becoming more mature and sophisticated . Carrying the Qur’aan in his heart transformed him into a different person . Not like all the other 14 year olds of today .

My dad didn’t say much (like always) but all I can say was that he wasn’t the same as before .

My mum was the same . Worrying ’bout me like I’m a big baby or something . C’mon , I’m old enough to look after myself . I am independant!

One day , I decided to have ‘me time’ . I sat down and pondered , meditated or whatever term you wanna use ..

And I just realise how much I’ve got to change .

I went to Dr. Muhammed and I discussed it with him .

He was quite surprised at the sudden change in me .

Nonetheless , he assisted me .

We draw up a list of things I want to do , need to do and I need to change . Prioritise .

If I hadn’t taken up the initiative , no one would’ve .

And that evening when I walked out of the Masjid craving a joint , I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my messed up life .

I needed to get my act together and do something .

I can’t live the rest of my life like a failure .

Like an idiot oblivious to everything around me . Oblivious to the fact that I have so much to change and reform that I become lost in another World abstinent from reality …

Sorry for not posting this week . I think I had writers block … anyways , I’m not too sure when this series will end but you know its not a long story – just a short story , yeah?

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