Mike grabbed me before I made any attempts .
I was glad , inwardly . I didn’t actually want to die .
I wanted to live a better life .
“Nabeel?! WTH?! How can you do this?” Zayn posed a rhetorical question to me .
I just shrugged .
He dragged me to the couch and sat me down .
He spoke to me like a ‘big bro’ and said I desperately needed help . Big bro talk .
Before I could refuse him , he already contacted some psychologist .
“You going to him on tomorrow morning . You heard?”
I nodded .
I didn’t want to protest .
I just had to give in .
The past , Nabeel .
Haunts ya .
I was sitting at the psychologist’s waiting room . Waiting to be called in .
Finally , the secertary called me to go in .
Dr. Muhammed listened to me go on and on and on …
I told him everything from the beginning .
He asked a few questions in between but he was very understanding .
“My boy , you need help and I am here to help you .” He told me .
He spoke to me for a while and then the session was over .
Before I left , he gave me one last advice .
“One secret Nabeel . Turn to Allah . Its the answer to every single problem . If you want to get out of this mess , do that and next time when you come , I am going to ask you about this .” He told me in a very nice way .
I thanked him , paid and made my way out of there .
Zayn called me later .
I was too proud to actually say that I felt better .
But I admitted it him ..
I went home . Home as in real home .
Everyone was shocked .
But my mother came and gave me an ‘awkward’ hug .
“Nabeel , my bathcu . I’ve missed youuu.” She squealed .
Oh yeah? Thanks .
Things were awkward around the house .
Nabeela and Aarifah looked at me as if studying me . They just shook their heads and walked away . Sahal gave me a forced smile .
But Nabeela was headstrong .
She came upto me after alot of ‘supposedly’ courage .
“You the worst brother anyone could ever have . I hate you . I had a soft spot for you but its diminishing if that’s even possible . You just run away . Get up to rubbish . Bad boy . People be like ‘your bro is the bad one right?’ ? I don’t know what to do .” She literally screamed at me .
Hate is a strong word . Stronger then when two people are in love . Argh .
Bad boy . I like the sound of that . (?!)
Nabeela was being irrational .
She was probably on one of her mood swings or something .
“Stop zoning out .” She told me . “Idiot .” She muttered after that .
So I’m an idiot also . Haha .
“Listen here Nabeela . You are a great sister , caring for me and stuff . But I don’t hate you back . You just needa do one thing , lil sis .” I told her calmly .
“And what is it?” She asked arrogantly .
“Pray for me Nabeela . That’s all I’m asking .” I told her shyly . Proudly?
“Since when you gone all holy and stuff?” She asked me enquiringly .
“I ain’t holy . I’m the bad boy , remember?” I smirked .
But I guess Dr. Muhammed was right . I needed to turn to Allah . Although all of this sounded so unlike me , I had to make it like me . I had to do something with my life .
The life of sin and vice seemed very appealing . It was enchanting . But it definitely lead to more grief and sadness .
And I was trying to make my conscious mind understand the reality of all of this .
Life can’t possibly carry on like this .
It was like I needed a push . Someone to push me and force me to do something .
Not actually force . I can’t be compelled to do something .
I must do it on my own will , right?
“Whatever Nabeel . But seriously . You need to do something . You such a messed up human being . ” She told me in a-not-so-mean-tone-but-a-not-so-cheerful-tone-either .
You such a messed up human being .
Oh yes . That’s true .
Imraan checked up on me .
He searched my back-pack .
My cupboards , pockets .
Anywhere he could find drugs .
I didn’t have any on me . So I was fine .
I wish I was clean .
But I still needed some .
I might need to go back to rehab .
Most highly .
Imraan spoke to me and I let him in of the recent happenings .
He was happy that I went to a psychologist .
Before he left my room that night , he surprised me .
“Nabeel . You know what?”
“What?” I asked curious .
“I’m getting married .” He said seriously .
“Whaaat?” I asked , raising the tone of my voice .
“Chill . I’m going to see the girl this weekend .” He told me . “Insha Allah .” He added .
“That doesn’t mean you getting married , bro .” I almost scolded him .
“Yeah . Yeah .” He laughed .
After Imraan left my room that night , I did an amazing thing .
I couldn’t believe my own self .
I prayed . As in made Du’aa .
I didn’t know what to say or how to do it properly .
But I lifted my hands , and tears just rolled down my cheeks .
The sadness was in my heart and I couldn’t put it to words but I just cried .
And I knew that my Lord will understand my feelings and what I was actually trying to say .
I just sat there , stunned at myself .
I felt different … although there was this bugging feeling inside that I couldn’t understand .
And I went to sleep like that …
So I just decided to try this out .
I don’t know .
Its not an actual story .
Its a short story kinda thing , yeah?
And it will be ending soon .
JazaakAllah . .
Request for Du’aas .