The Silent Negativity Series – Part Four

“Sahal . ” I said awkwardly .

“Yes?”

“Congrats for uhh … the hifz.”

“You telling me that a week later . Bro , you late . Seriously , fashionably late .” He sniggered

I rolled my eyes .

My parents continued lecturing me to such an extent that I moved in with Mike at his apartment .

It was extremely annoying for them to continuously lecture me .

Nothing I did was ever right .

I stopped going to the Masjid .

I was their rebellious kid , how?

Mike and I were on highs almost every night .

I continued working coz I needed the money .

I started getting very tired .

I slept way more often than ever .

One day , Zayn came over .

It was surprising to see Zayn since he was the good one amongst us .

I was addicted . He wasn’t fully addicted . Know what I mean?

He was too busy immersed in his ‘studies’ for drugs . He took it on weekends and sometimes during the week .

Zayn looked at me , scanning me incredulously .

“Bro . Everythings alright?”

I nodded .

He wasn’t convinced .

I didn’t actually care . No-one tried contacting me during these few days at Mike’s place .

Imraan did message me giving me the ‘Muslim Image’ pep talk .

.

Zayn took me aside questioning me .

“You don’t look fine at all . Nabeel , what’s up?” He said with concern in his voice .

When Zayn used my real name , he meant business .

“Its a long story . And I don’t wanna divulge into its inner details .” I said shrugging .

“Nabeel . Shut up . And talk .” He said getting serious .

“You just told me to shut up and talk?!” I said sarcastically .

“No sarcasm . Start . Now!” He said a little too stern .

“So my parents didn’t chuck me out . But the lectures , ya know what I mean? Yeah . They were too much . Everything I did was (colourful words) wrong . And still is . So I got tired of their rubbish . I moved in with Mike for now . Anything else you wanna know?” I stated , looking outside .

Johannesburg grounds .

He studied me for a long while .

“And the drugs? You guys go out every night?” He questioned .

“The past two nights , yeah . Its awesome . ” I told him .

“I think you depressed .” He said looking at me , expressionless .

I was stunned .

Then I got angry .

How dare he say that?!

I ain’t a psycho .

I grabbed him by his collar and swore him .

Then I held myself and walked to the punching bag .

I started punching and I gave him a piece of my mind .

Why I felt like a mess .

All of the emotional stuff .

When I was done , I turned around to see him standing there .

He was biting his lip .

“Stop . Now!” He commanded .

I stopped .

“I’m taking you to a psychologist .” He said matter-of-factly .

When Zayn said something , there was no way I could say no . He wouldn’t take no for an answer .

Zayn was in his first year of psychology . Although , it didn’t seem like it suited him – it was what he wanted .

“NO!” I screamed at him . “You CANNOT take me to a stupid PSYCHOLOGIST . Am I psycho , huh?!”

Mike walked in .

He looked at both of us for answers .

I pointed to Zayn .

Zayn didn’t say anything so I told Mike that Zayn wanted to take me to a stupid psychologist .

That was it .

I was psycho .

No – one actually cared .

My life was a mess .

My future is most likely to be a mess .

Death will be the best . I guess .

I walked towards the window .

4 floors down was the ground .

Will I die?

I was scared .

Zayn and Mike didn’t think I was gonna do something so drastic .

They were discussing ‘me’ .

This will end the pain .

No more numbing the pain .

It’ll be gone … forever .

I stood by the window looking down .

Here we come , death .

Nervous .

But I want to live …

I was about to jump but before that , I turned to Mike and Zayn .

“Don’t worry ’bout me . I’m goin’ for good now . Take care …”

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