I woke up at 8 the next morning .
I wasn’t eager to start my day .
But I jumped out of bed , had a quick shower and went down for breakfast .
Everything didn’t seem so cheery , my parents were being cold to each other .
Nabeela , Aarifah and Sahal were at school so I couldn’t ask ’em .
Imraan gave me a smug smile .
I got him one side before he went to campus .
Imraan was studying medicine . Currently in his 3rd year .
And me? I was a total failure . I guess ..
A big disappointment .
“Bro , what’s up with the parents?” I asked him , raising my eyebrow .
“Nabeel . Its tough . They had a big argument last night regarding uhh .” Imraan said quietly .
“Regarding whaaaat?” I asked getting frustrated .
“You .” He replied “You , Nabeel .”
I stormed away .
I went to work and didn’t have a very great day . I was tired and finished .
For a change , at Zuhr Salaah time , I went to the Masjid .
Few guys were surprised to see me .
But I wanted to go ..
Gosh , I needed to go .
I neglected my Creator for years .
You getting all holy now , chill Nabeel .
Still young , ya know!
Got a whole life ahead .
Some lighties pointed in my direction and held expressions of bewilderment .
One of Sahal’s Hifz friends walked up to me and greeted me .
I looked down in self-disgust . How disgusted I am at myself …
Hamza: (after greeting) How you? (He gave me an awkward side hug)
Me: Uhhm .. Okay and you?
Hamza: Shukr , can’t complain .
Me: Yeah .
Hamza: It’ll take time to bring change . But don’t worry bro , it’ll come right!
Me: uhhh … who said I wanna change?
Hamza: Naah mahn . Don’t be like that .
Me: Okay then .
Hamza: See you around Insha Allah .
Me: Uh yeah . I guess .
He greeted and flashed me a huge smile .
Haha . Haha . Haha .
When I went home , I was beyond exhausted .
I needed a joint , desperately .
So I called Mike up and he offered to bring some .
I needed it and with the bucks that I did have , I gave it to him .
I had an afternoon nap and was awaken by the Asr Adhaan .
To go or not to go .
Nah . I’ll sleep .
Okay . Just go mahn .
No , go .
Just sleep , idiot .
I didn’t know what to do .
Eventually , after a while of struggling I went .
Hamza was there again .
Hamza was around my age although he was a very good boy .
Me = Bad boy .
After Salaah , I walked up to the local Imaam .
I was hesitant at first but gave in and went .
When I went , I wanted to speak to him but I couldn’t so I just greeted .
I couldn’t talk .
I’m so bad . Goshhh .
As I was exiting the Masjid , someone tapped me .
I turned around to see Imraan .
Imraan: You here?
Me: Why , yeah .
Imraan: Masha Allah .
Imraan: Nothing .
I ignored him and went to my car .
Maleeha began irritating me .
The messages annoyed me .
Who sends 50 messages in about 15 minutes?
I blocked her .
Stupid girl .
I’m tired of this life of sinning .
Very tired .
I want to have my Lord in my life …