The Silent Negativity Series – Part Three

I woke up at 8 the next morning .

I wasn’t eager to start my day .

But I jumped out of bed , had a quick shower and went down for breakfast .

Everything didn’t seem so cheery , my parents were being cold to each other .

Nabeela , Aarifah and Sahal were at school so I couldn’t ask ’em .

Imraan gave me a smug smile .

I got him one side before he went to campus .

Imraan was studying medicine . Currently in his 3rd year .

And me? I was a total failure . I guess ..

A big disappointment .

“Bro , what’s up with the parents?” I asked him , raising my eyebrow .

“Nabeel . Its tough . They had a big argument last night regarding uhh .” Imraan said quietly .

“Regarding whaaaat?” I asked getting frustrated .

“You .” He replied “You , Nabeel .”

Me?!

WTH!

I stormed away .

I went to work and didn’t have a very great day . I was tired and finished .

For a change , at Zuhr Salaah time , I went to the Masjid .

Few guys were surprised to see me .

But I wanted to go ..

Gosh , I needed to go .

I neglected my Creator for years .

You getting all holy now , chill Nabeel .

Still young , ya know!

Got a whole life ahead .

Some lighties pointed in my direction and held expressions of bewilderment .

One of Sahal’s Hifz friends walked up to me and greeted me .

I looked down in self-disgust . How disgusted I am at myself …

Hamza: (after greeting) How you? (He gave me an awkward side hug)

Me: Uhhm .. Okay and you?

Hamza: Shukr , can’t complain .

Me: Yeah .

Hamza: It’ll take time to bring change . But don’t worry bro , it’ll come right!

Me: uhhh … who said I wanna change?

Hamza: Naah  mahn . Don’t be like that .

Me: Okay then .

Hamza: See you around Insha Allah .

Me: Uh yeah . I guess .

He greeted and flashed me a huge smile .

Haha . Haha . Haha .

When I went home , I was beyond exhausted .

I needed a joint , desperately .

So I called Mike up and he offered to bring some .

I needed it and with the bucks that I did have , I gave it to him .

I had an afternoon nap and was awaken by the Asr Adhaan .

To go or not to go .

Nah . I’ll sleep .

Okay . Just go mahn .

Sleep .

No , go .

Just sleep , idiot .

Go .

I didn’t know what to do .

Eventually , after a while of struggling I went .

Hamza was there again .

Hamza was around my age although he was a very good boy .

Me = Bad boy .

Argh .

After Salaah , I walked up to the local Imaam .

I was hesitant at first but gave in and went .

When I went , I wanted to speak to him but I couldn’t so I just greeted .

I couldn’t talk .

I’m so bad . Goshhh .

As I was exiting the Masjid , someone tapped me .

I turned around to see Imraan .

Imraan: You here?

Me: Why , yeah .

Imraan: Masha Allah .

Me: So?

Imraan: Nothing .

I ignored him and went to my car .

Maleeha began irritating me .

The messages annoyed me .

Who sends 50 messages in about 15 minutes?

I blocked her .

Stupid girl .

….

I’m tired of this life of sinning .

Very tired .

I want to have my Lord in my life …

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