The Silent Negativity Series – Part Two

I smiled at Zayn and Mike that evening .

I was ecstatic .

Although , I wasn’t .

Sin brings sadness over sadness and grief over grief .

Nonethless , I was happy .

It was Saturday night .

I got back home at 3 the next morning .

Bro , I was moeg!

I slept .

I missed Fajr and I got up at 2 in the afternoon . 

Hangovers? Yeah , well .

I had a very bad migraine which clearly wasn’t welcoming .

I jumped out of bed . Had a shower and procrastinated .

I was chatting to Maleeha . My new girl , when I recieved a phone call .

“Jake”

I answered fearfully .

I worked as an assistant for my dad’s family friend’s car business .

Yeah . Indians .

“Naabil . Is that you? Its me Jake here . You coming back to work tomorrow?”

“Uhh . Well . Most probably . ”

“Naabil . You better stick to that . Give your dad my greetings . And I shall be waiting at 9 tomorrow morning . Sharp .”

And he cut the call .

Cut the crap , mahn  .

I went downstairs casually . I had missed Fajr and Zuhr already for the day .

Mother asked if I wanted anything . I refused .

She gave me another long lecture . Goes in one ear , comes out of the other .

There were a few family people around but I didn’t care .

Sahal , Imraan and Aarifah weren’t very pleased to see me .

But when Nabeela saw me , she flipped .

She went pale , almost .

Nabeela is my other sister . She’s 16 and she despises me? No . She talks to me . Tries to get me to do good . And you know the younger sister worrying about her big bro .

She came to me .

Nabeela: Nabeel .

Me : What?

Nabeela: Nabeel . I missed you .

Me: Missed me ? Haha . Thanks .

Sarcasm .

She looked at me , scanning me . Her eyes pierced mines . It was as if she was pleading at to me .

But instead she hugged me .

I hugged her back awkwardly .

Nabeela: Nabeel .

She said sounding almost like a whisper .

But she didn’t say anything . And neither  did I .

I walked to the garage , took out my GTI and flew out .

I waited at a famous restaurant for Maleeha .

She walked in clutching a silver studded purse . Her red dress clung to her and her arms and legs were visible .

She glared at me and winked .

Her heels clicked on the ground as she walked .

The truth was I didn’t like her . Gosh , I didn’t even love her .

I just took her as my girl . My thing : playing around . Right?

She came to me and I felt like vomitting .

I didn’t want her anymore . I wanted to disappear .

She was about to sit in my lap but I pushed her away .

“I’m sorry .” I muttered .

Her rose scented perfume filled my nostrils . I closed my eyes and headed to my car .

I drove like a maniac .

I could see her standing outside the restaurant wiping her tears away .

I didn’t care .

I drove faster away from Fordsburg .

I was heading towards Crosby .

When I reached Crosby , I didn’t know what to do .

I don’t even know people who stay here .

Some Indian far family but other than that , no .

It was starting to get late .

Maghrib was in 5 minutes .

I started driving in the direction of Ormonde .

I parked in a quiet alley . Few cars passed but I didn’t bother .

Then I broke down .

I can’t handle this .

I switched on the radio and the music blasted .

I could hear the faint sound of Esha Adhaan .

I switched the radio off and began crying .

I wiped my tears and as if on cue , my phone rang .

I amswered without checking the caller id .

“Nabeel?” My mother’s stern voice screamed at me .

“Yeah?”

“Where are you? It is already 8:30 son . Where are you? You gone since the afternoon .”

“In South Africa , Mom . Yeah , thanks for tellin’ me the time . Yes , I know that too .” I replied sarcastically .

“NABEEL?!”

“Yes?”

“Get home now . Now is now . RIGHT NOW! ”

I cut the call .

Yeah . Now . Haha .

I felt guilty not going to the Masjid since I heard the Adhaan .

I drove to the nearest Masjid .

I parked in the courtyard and walked in .

I had no wudhu .

No Salaah for a whole day! Phew .

I went to make Wudhu and I promise , I became emotional .

I was overwhelmed .

It just felt so …

I don’t know .

I made my Wudhu and went to join the Saff .

I felt totally embarrassed . I was dressed in jeans and an Uzzi T-Shirt .

I lifted my jeans above my ankles .

I probably looked like a wacky thing but at that moment , I wished I wasn’t alive . I wasn’t even dressed appropriately .

My hair wasn’t normal . It was messy .

The Salaah began and I closed my eyes breathing in and out , expressing so much inner joy and happiness ..

After Salaah , there were few youngsters looking at me . I felt ashamed .

Is this going to be the case always? That people look at me and judge .

I’m so messed up , really .

Ya Allah . I cried from the bottom of my heart . Assist me … remove this sadness away from me . Ya Allah . I don’t know what to do …

And You know best …

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