I couldn’t fathom what had really happened to me .
I couldn’t .
It felt illusional .
I looked up at my younger brother Sahal .
He was 14 years old and today was his day . The day he had memorised 114 Surahs in total .
He had completed memorising the entire Qur’aan . How?
I memorised the whole Qur’aan too . .. but well ….
I was 19 years old .
My eyes burned .
I couldn’t cry or become emotional .
The words of the Qur’aan sounded amazing …
I was in love . For real now . Not like those stupid relationships I have with those girls .
No . This was absolutely different .
This was love . ?!
I wiped my tears and sneaked out of the Masjid .
I’m a mess .
A living mess .
I have nothing in my life to be happy about .
Its so empty .
There’s nothing I live for .
I was sent to rehab by the parents . But no . I didn’t want help .
Maybe I needed help but I didn’t want it .
And there I started asking Mike and Zayn if I can join ’em again .
I secretly started coz I guess I couldn’t resist .
I walked towards my blue GTI and jumped in the drivers seat .
It smelt of cigarettes . I didn’t care .
I looked at my steering wheel …
I wanted to punch or break something .
I needed a ‘joint’ .
I called Zayn but his phone was on voice mail .
I became frustrated and rested my head on the steering wheel .
I clutched my phone in my right hand and passed my fingers through my hair .
Tears rolled down my cheeks . I gulped .
Breath , Nabeel . Breath .
I wiped ’em away suddenly . I am not weak , gosh .
There was a knock on my window .
Go away whoever you are .
I lifted my head slowly and saw my sister’s weary face looking at me .
Aarifah is my younger sister . The girl who’s actually or well probably embarrassed to have me as her big bro . She is in Matric at the moment .
I rolled down my window and stared at her .
“Nabeel .” She said .
I started getting uncomfortable .
“Mummy and them need cold drinks . She said I should ask you where you put them ” She said matter-of-factly .
“As far as I know , I took ’em all out . Check in Dad’s car . Might be there .” I said abit too fast .
“Uh . Well there’s a crate of them in your backseat .”
I turned to look ,stunned .
Oh yeah .
“Take ’em . ” I said frowning .
She was about to take one crate but I jumped out and helped her .
We carried it to the ladies section and I went back .
I locked my car and went back into the Masjid .
People were congratulating the father and Sahal .
My elder brother Imraan walked up to me .
“Nabeel . Where were you?” He asked me .
“Uh , outside .”
“Not getting up to rubbish , ne? ” he asked yet again .
I nodded my head .
Imraan was 23 years old . He was single like me but he was more mature than I in so many ways . And he was different . All the old aunties loved him .
And me . Oh no . I’m the bad boy .
Sahal saw me and give me a half smile .
I went to him while he was talking with a few of his buddies .
“Hey .” I greeted . Sounding enthusiastic .
But no , I wasn’t .
“Hey back . ” He said looking down .
“Oh . Look who’s here . Haha , Nabeel . You actually came? Wow . ” Sahal’s friend Taahir mocked .
I felt uneasy .
Does it mean that I’m so bad?
So bad that people regard me as a shaytaan or something?
Oh no . This sucks . .