The Silent Negativity Series – Part One

I couldn’t fathom what had really happened to me .

I couldn’t .

It felt illusional .

I looked up at my younger brother Sahal .

He was 14 years old and today was his day . The day he had memorised 114 Surahs in total .

He had completed memorising the entire Qur’aan . How?

I memorised the whole Qur’aan too . .. but well ….

I was 19 years old .

My eyes burned .

I couldn’t cry or become emotional .

The words of the Qur’aan sounded amazing …

I was in love . For real now . Not like those stupid relationships I have with those girls .

No . This was absolutely different .

This was love . ?!

I wiped my tears and sneaked out of the Masjid .

I’m a mess .

A living mess .

I have nothing in my life to be happy about .

Its so empty .

There’s nothing I live for .

I was sent to rehab by the parents . But no . I didn’t want help .

Maybe I needed help but I didn’t want it .

And there I started asking Mike and Zayn if I can join ’em again .

I secretly started coz I guess I couldn’t resist .

I walked towards my blue GTI and jumped in the drivers seat .

It smelt of cigarettes . I didn’t care .

I looked at my steering wheel …

I wanted to punch or break something .

I needed a ‘joint’ .

I called Zayn but his phone was on voice mail .

I became frustrated and rested my head on the steering wheel .

I clutched my phone in my right hand and passed my fingers through my hair .

Tears rolled down my cheeks . I gulped .

Breath , Nabeel . Breath .

I wiped ’em away suddenly . I am not weak , gosh .

There was a knock on my window .

No .

Go away whoever you are .

I lifted my head slowly and saw my sister’s weary face looking at me .

Aarifah is my younger sister . The girl who’s actually or well probably embarrassed to have me as her big bro . She is in Matric at the moment .

I rolled down my window and stared at her .

“Nabeel .” She said .

I started getting uncomfortable .

“Mummy and them need cold drinks . She said I should ask you where you put them ” She said matter-of-factly .

“As far as I know , I took ’em all out . Check in Dad’s car . Might be there .” I said abit too fast .

“Uh . Well there’s a crate of them in your backseat .”

I turned to look ,stunned .

Oh yeah .

“Take ’em . ” I said frowning .

She was about to take one crate but I jumped out and helped her .

We carried it to the ladies section and I went back .

I locked my car and went back into the Masjid .

People were congratulating the father and Sahal .

My elder brother Imraan walked up to me .

“Nabeel . Where were you?”  He asked me .

“Uh , outside .”

“Not getting up to rubbish , ne? ” he asked yet again .

I nodded my head .

Imraan was 23 years old . He was single like me but he was more mature than I in so many ways . And he was different . All the old aunties loved him .

Haha .

And me . Oh no . I’m the bad boy  .

Bleh .

Sahal saw me and give me a half smile .

I went to him while he was talking with a few of his buddies .

“Hey .” I greeted . Sounding enthusiastic .

But no , I wasn’t .

“Hey back . ” He said looking down .

“Oh . Look who’s here . Haha , Nabeel . You actually came? Wow . ” Sahal’s friend Taahir mocked .

I felt uneasy .

Does it mean that I’m so bad?

So bad that people regard me as a shaytaan or something?

Oh no . This sucks . .

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