I’m afraid of my future.
I’m afraid people will judge me according to my past.
I’m a changed person today.
But, people will still judge me.
I was once the kid your parents warned you about.
Today, i am a different human.
I have a different outlook on life.
I see life differently.
Its not about fun and games.
Life wasn’t given to us purely for entertainment. Or am i wrong?
I used to always say – No, No, No. Enjoy life for now.
I never ever repented. When i mean i never ever repented, i mean that on a Friday,Jumuah duaa at the masjid…i never used to say ‘Aameen’ when the Moulana used to make duaa for our forgiveness. I used to just sit there and smile like an idiot.
I knew the consequences and all but i refused to accept it.
I never wanted to make duaa of forgiveness because i thought ‘Whats the point?’.
How could I possibly be forgiven?
My sins are uncountable.
Majority of them were major.
I once heard that when you commit a minor sin very often it results in becoming a major sin.
In Ramadhaan i used to be abit good. But i was still not good.
I was bad news.
I was the same one who was charged with attempted murder and assault two years ago. It was me.
I drank too.
I mean seriously… i couldn’t get any worse.
I was meant for jahannam. So why repent?
I had lost all hope in Allah.
I used to read jumuah weekly…but that was the only salaah i used to read…
I even stopped jumuah salaah.
I was bad. Sinful. Evil.
I commited the most gravest of sins – zina.
But i commited a sin worse than zina… gheebah.
You name it … i did it.
I was filthy.
It felt useless to repent cause i knew i will end up in hell anyways.
So i didn’t.
I was disrespectful.
My music used to be blasting on a Thursday night. Yes, it was me. Thursday nights usually you lower your sins… but i didn’t care less. I said so what.
My parents didn’t know anything. They were in Durban. I in Johannesburg.
I was on drugs too. I never stole cause being the only kid with a lawyer as your dad and a mum who works in parliament means that you have the bucks.
They were too engrossed in their work to know of my doings.
I regret it all. I am guilty. I know.
But, i didn’t commit shirk. No i didn’t.
And Allah forgives all sins except shirk.
Allah forgives all sins.
I made duaa. I knew that i couldn’t be any more worse.
I lost hope in Allah’s mercy.
But, something stopped me.
It was this one friend. He took me to a moulana and the moulana gave me a helluva long lecture.
I still remember what he said…”Your sin isn’t greater than Allah’s mercy”
I remember those words…
He told me to stop.
He told me that i can stop… that i can change.
He told me the story of the man who killed 100 people … but he was forgiven.
He told me that Allah is All-Forgiving.
You need the will to stop.
He even said..if i say i wanna stop but i make no effort whatsoever it means i don’t wanna stop.
It took a whole year and two months. Alhamdulillah.
Today, i’m different.
I feel different.
The first step to reformation is knowing what you doing is wrong.
The second step is repentance.
If i could do it … everyone else can.
I’m back in Durban.
My father found out about my murder case.
But now that i had to tell him the full truth he understood. I’m he’s only son so what can he do.
Allah forgive us …
This is purely fictional.
Hope you enjoyed it!
Dedicated to …..you know who you are!