Repentance

I’m scared.

I’m afraid of my future.

I’m afraid people will judge me according to my past.

I’m a changed person today.

But, people will still judge me.

I was once the kid your parents warned you about.

Today, i am a different human.

I have a different outlook on life.

I see life differently.

Its not about fun and games.

Life wasn’t given to us purely for entertainment. Or am i wrong?

I used to always say – No, No, No. Enjoy life for now.

I never ever repented. When i mean i never ever repented, i mean that on a Friday,Jumuah duaa at the masjid…i never used to say ‘Aameen’ when the Moulana used to make duaa for our forgiveness. I used to just sit there and smile like an idiot.

I knew the consequences and all but i refused to accept it.

I never wanted to make duaa of forgiveness because i thought ‘Whats the point?’.

How could I possibly be forgiven?

My sins are uncountable.

Majority of them were major.

I once heard that when you commit a minor sin very often it results in becoming a major sin.

In Ramadhaan i used to be abit good. But i was still not good.

I was bad news.

I was the same one who was charged with attempted murder and assault two years ago. It was me.

I drank too.

I mean seriously… i couldn’t get any worse.

I was meant for jahannam. So why repent?

I had lost all hope in Allah.

I used to read jumuah weekly…but that was the only salaah i used to read…

I even stopped jumuah salaah.

I was bad. Sinful. Evil.

I commited the most gravest of sins – zina.

But i commited a sin worse than zina… gheebah.

You name it … i did it.

I was filthy.

It felt useless to repent cause i knew i will end up in hell anyways.

So i didn’t.

I was disrespectful.

My music used to be blasting on a Thursday night. Yes, it was me. Thursday nights usually you lower your sins… but i didn’t care less. I said so what.

My parents didn’t know anything. They were in Durban. I in Johannesburg.

I was on drugs too. I never stole cause being the only kid with a lawyer as your dad and a mum who works in parliament means that you have the bucks.

They were too engrossed in their work to know of my doings.

I regret it all. I am guilty. I know.

But, i didn’t commit shirk. No i didn’t.

And Allah forgives all sins except shirk.

Allah forgives all sins.

I made duaa. I knew that i couldn’t be any more worse.

I lost hope in Allah’s mercy.

But, something stopped me.

It was this one friend. He took me to a moulana and the moulana gave me a helluva long lecture.

I still remember what he said…”Your sin isn’t greater than Allah’s mercy”

I remember those words…

He told me to stop.

He told me that i can stop… that i can change.

He told me the story of the man who killed 100 people … but he was forgiven.

He told me that Allah is All-Forgiving.

You need the will to stop.

He even said..if i say i wanna stop but i make no effort whatsoever it means i don’t wanna stop.

It took a whole year and two months. Alhamdulillah.

Today, i’m different.

I feel different.

The first step to reformation is knowing what you doing is wrong.
The second step is repentance.

If i could do it … everyone else can.

I’m back in Durban.

My father found out about my murder case.

But now that i had to tell him the full truth he understood. I’m he’s only son so what can he do.

Allah forgive us …

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This is purely fictional.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Dedicated to …..you know who you are!

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One thought on “Repentance

  1. awesommmmme!!hp dat all sinners find their way.we all are sinners just in different ways.luvin it all da way.bihubbik….bint .z u go gal

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