Confused

I don’t know where to go….

I don’t know what to do…

It seems fun and entertaining …

Everyones doing it … how can i be the one who’s not doing it?

It seems exciting. Its tempting

Slowly i fall for it …

Its wrong …

I shouldn’t have

Regret and guilt

They come after you do something against your principles

After you gain your senses. After you realize it …

You feel guilty as ever …

But me … i will never regret what i just did … its a sin .. i know … i know

Leave me alone.

Its wrong. Why do these thoughts of it being wrong have to pollute my mind?

Can they just go away?

Its haraam.

Yeaaaaah ! Yeahhhhhh! I know!
I know
I know

I plug in my headphones … the musics on full blast…

I hope this can remove those thoughts from my mind.

Now again the guilt comes…

Suraya…why do you have to do this?

Suraya, stop listening to music.

For goodness sake can these thoughts get out of my head???!!!

Now, I’m going to bash him up for good.

He practically hurt me…

He made me jealous

He lied to me

He betrayed me

He lied … he said he will never ever cheat on me..

But he lied …

He flirted with her …

Boys … are … players

Even Shuaib and Hamza

Both of them lied … they actually left me

They broke my heart!

This music isn’t doing me any good…

It doesn’t fix my heart. It only makes it full of hypocrisy.

It doesn’t make it seem like Zaid didn’t lie … it doesn’t make it seem like Zaid didn’t flirt with Raeesa.

Suraya, ultimately at the end of the day, You have to stop.

Stop all your noncense.

Everything.

The music. The boys. The late night clubbing. The shopping.

You shop too much. You have enough clothes.

Suraya!! Wake up from your slumber party. Wake up.

Gosh. Do these thoughts have to cross my mind again.

As they say the biggest battle is the battle within yourself.

They don’t lie. Its true.

Suraya. When will you start wearing hijaab?

Dadi tells me that 2 million times .. blah blah blah.

I still got a life! Do you think I (Suraya Ahmed) is going to die tomorrow?

No way!

Suraya, the swearing has to stop.

And your filthy dressing.

Mini skirts are my type k?

I don’t care but my silver and red beaded top ain’t leaving my closet.

I don’t care … even though its sleevless

SURAYA! What is wrong with you?

When will you ever start reading Salaah?

Fridays only.

I wanna be a better Muslim. Thats duh.

Nah, its not duh.

I have to do something. Something.

I need to change. My life.

I need to turn on a new leaf.

I need to.

I know of jahannam and all those gooooooodyyyy stuff…

But..

If i change now then well

I dont want to.

Because i want to enjoy it. I’m still young. Suraya is still young.

But what if i seriously have to die tomorrow

So what?

Suraya

No

No

No

Move outta here. Get outta here.

It. Is. Haraam.

What if my parents have to find out?

Then what?

More so… how does my Nabi feel to know of what i  do?

Happy. Not.

So goood. Now I’m on my way home.

This phone of mines.

Zaid.

I answer the call.

He says hi and all those romantic stuff .

I just say ‘BYE’

I cut the call.

I want to be a better person. My heart is still aching over the loss of a guy.

A. Guy.

The music has to stop.

I’m still not sober enough to go home.

What if i break the door-handle like last time.

It starts to rain.

My tears also fall.

Its like my tears blend in with the rain.

The sky is crying and so am i.

I cry. But then i stop.

No. Why should i cry over the breakup of just a guy?

Cry tears of blood rather. For that Nabi who did so much for you.

And you have the audacity to disobey Him?

Yeah?

And stop the judging.

And stop all the bad.

Everyone of it.

Everything.

I sneeze.

My heart skipped a beat.

The rain starts pouring alot.

I want to cry.

But i will be strong.

Even though I’m broken inside.

Allah will be by my side.

Wait. Did Sumaya Ahmed aka Party Girl just say that?

Allah will help me.

Allah …

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

There stood my guy best friend. Muhammed.

He asked if i need shade under his umbrella…

Yes or No.

Umm…just one last time Suraya.

I told him… Look here Muhammed … i wanna be a better person. I know what you’re thinking … but we need to seperate. Anyways…salaamz…

I walked. Not just an ordinary walk but a walk against my nafs.

A walk which would turn out to be the best ever…

Its in me… i have the will so i will do it. I can and i will…

I CAN DO IT!
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What are your thoughts on these kind articles? Lemme know…

And just by the way it doesn’t reflect on my life! Its all fictional…

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2 thoughts on “Confused

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